Day 24: Bad Touch
Do you remember when you were a kid and your mom talked to you about “bad touch?” I don’t remember every being touched inappropriately, but I do remember one incident when a friend of the family hugged me too tight and wouldn’t let me go. I knew instinctively that he wasn’t safe.
As I have practiced honing my sense of touch, I don't know if I had considered the fact that not all touch is positive or good. Some can be traumatizing and abusive. That kind of touch tears apart the soul with its bare hands and leaves a gash in the life of those who are its victims.
This morning, David and I attended White River Christian Church in Noblesville. An announcement was made for a gathering on Wednesday evening at 7 pm to inform parents and citizens of the nature and danger of child abuse in our community. This gathering is sponsored by Hands & Feet (http://www.handsandfeethc.org/), a not-for-profit committed to educating and uniting churches to end the awful blight of child abuse.
It’s shocking to read the statistics about child abuse in my county. According to a 2006 CPS report, 733 cases of child abuse and neglect were reported. It is likely that three times that number of children are abused every year but are never reported to authorities.
What can we do? If you live in Indy and have a tender heart for victims of child abuse or just want to know more, consider attending this presentation. If you haven’t talked to your kids in a while about “bad touch,” today is a good day.
As much as touch can be a pathway to experience God, it can also be a terrible trauma-inducing act. Please do what you can to prevent "bad touch" in your own family and community.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
30 Days of Touching
Day 23: Touched by an Angel
Do you remember that show? I think we watched it occasionally with the kids. Even if you never saw it, you probably get the gist of what it was about—moments when something eerie, mystical happens and you feel as though an angel has touched you.
Have you ever had a real experience when you felt like you’ve been “touched by an angel?” I don’t know that I would attribute those moments to an angel, but have had on a few occasions a moment when the voice of God or presence of God seemed almost palpable.
I had one of those times yesterday. It’s always hard to describe things like this. And please know this doesn’t happen all the time to me. I was reading a very provocative book called The Failure of Nerve by Ed Friedman. In the introduction, I was processing something he said, felt the nudge to turn to God and pray and then had this sense; this thought came into my mind more like a suggestion and instantly I knew what it was about, though I don’t know how I knew.
It was as though the Spirit said, “You are going to learn that when you are too empathic with people, you get in the way of empowering them”—something like that.
Two pages later, I literally read a thought almost identical to that.
I felt like I was “touched by an angel.” It was eerie. And God certainly has my attention.
Question for spiritual direction:
- Thinking back over your life, when have you been “touched by an angel” or had a moment when God’s voice of presence felt palpable?
- What was that like for you?
- Would you like to have an experience like that? Why or why not?
Friday, January 29, 2010
30 Days of Touching
Day 22: Rituals of Love
What comes to mind when you think of the rituals of your life? Do you tend to think of things that are boring, rote and meaningless? David and I were just talking at dinner about the beauty of rituals—ones that have been part of our lives over the years.
For him today, it’s the ritual of cleaning his paintbrushes after his has “played with paint” (created art). He has this way of doing it—filling the brushes with soap and then rubbing them in the palm of his hand to get the paint out.
That triggered a memory for me of when I would practice my French horn. (I was a French horn major at IU—for those who didn’t know.) I would lift my horn out of the case; place a piece of lederhosen on my knee and set the bell on top; put the mouthpiece in my mouth to warm in; insert the mouthpiece into the horn and blow warm air through it. I can almost smell the valve oil and musty brass as I remember it.
We have morning rituals that we’ve practiced for years: David makes the coffee, usually the night before. He wakes up first, goes down, gets it for us, and brings it to me in bed. I sit for a while in bed, waking up slowing while sipping it. We both read, journal and pray. Then at breakfast, we talk about our thoughts and experiences.
We have evening rituals, too. We head to bed about ten—sometimes earlier. After we brush our teeth and I wash my face, we crawl into bed, side by side and read. At night, we usually read novels. Once we get sleepy, we turn out the lights and spoon.
Last night we babysat Eli at Brandt and Laura’s. Even Eli has a bedtime ritual at four ½ months. After a bottle, diaper change and cuddling, I read him a book and sang him a song. He lay down, cried for a little bit and was soon fast asleep.
I think rituals are ways we keep in touch with the world and keep in minds that we are still connected to it. Rituals are tactile reenactments that remind us of what matters, what we love. The things that keep us tethered to each other are the rituals we go through each day.
What are your rituals, those daily or occasional rhythms that reinforce the patterns of your life, patterns of what matters to you? Do you practice your rituals with awareness? What do your rituals say about you?
What comes to mind when you think of the rituals of your life? Do you tend to think of things that are boring, rote and meaningless? David and I were just talking at dinner about the beauty of rituals—ones that have been part of our lives over the years.
For him today, it’s the ritual of cleaning his paintbrushes after his has “played with paint” (created art). He has this way of doing it—filling the brushes with soap and then rubbing them in the palm of his hand to get the paint out.
That triggered a memory for me of when I would practice my French horn. (I was a French horn major at IU—for those who didn’t know.) I would lift my horn out of the case; place a piece of lederhosen on my knee and set the bell on top; put the mouthpiece in my mouth to warm in; insert the mouthpiece into the horn and blow warm air through it. I can almost smell the valve oil and musty brass as I remember it.
We have morning rituals that we’ve practiced for years: David makes the coffee, usually the night before. He wakes up first, goes down, gets it for us, and brings it to me in bed. I sit for a while in bed, waking up slowing while sipping it. We both read, journal and pray. Then at breakfast, we talk about our thoughts and experiences.
We have evening rituals, too. We head to bed about ten—sometimes earlier. After we brush our teeth and I wash my face, we crawl into bed, side by side and read. At night, we usually read novels. Once we get sleepy, we turn out the lights and spoon.
Last night we babysat Eli at Brandt and Laura’s. Even Eli has a bedtime ritual at four ½ months. After a bottle, diaper change and cuddling, I read him a book and sang him a song. He lay down, cried for a little bit and was soon fast asleep.
I think rituals are ways we keep in touch with the world and keep in minds that we are still connected to it. Rituals are tactile reenactments that remind us of what matters, what we love. The things that keep us tethered to each other are the rituals we go through each day.
What are your rituals, those daily or occasional rhythms that reinforce the patterns of your life, patterns of what matters to you? Do you practice your rituals with awareness? What do your rituals say about you?
Thursday, January 28, 2010
30 Days of Touching
Day 21: Guiding Hand
Turn about is fair play, right? It was for me today. If you remember my post from last Thursday, then you might recall the title “Flush,” referring to my experience of having a colonoscopy. Well, David had the privilege today.
This time, I experienced the whole procedure from the other direction. I watched the nurse whisk him away. I talked to the doctor and got a good report. And I watched David “wake up” from the anesthetic. The kind used during a colonoscopy is unique. You remain in a twilight sleep so that you can cooperate with the doctor, but afterward you remember nothing. And you continue to remember nothing—even if you are told the same thing seventy times!
What I noticed most about David’s recovery was his insistence that he was wide-awake. The nurse brought him a cup of coffee and he insisted on holding it, even though he kept falling asleep with it in his hand. I would then take it or support it with my hand and he would wake up and inform me that he had it. That scenario continued several times.
Of all my touching experiences today, I am most thoughtful about this one. I played the role of a guiding hand, even though David insisted he didn’t need guidance. Is that how it is with God as my guiding hand? He doesn’t take the responsibility of my life away from me. But he comes, places his hands around the “cup” of my life and supports me. Sometimes I resist; I think I’m more awake than I really am. Yet, he doesn’t consider my orneriness as an offense. He remains faithful.
“Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence...If I take the wings of the dawn, if I dwell in the remotest part of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me….” Psalm 139: 10
A question for spiritual direction: How do you sense the hand of God guiding your life today? Are you resisting or cooperating?
Turn about is fair play, right? It was for me today. If you remember my post from last Thursday, then you might recall the title “Flush,” referring to my experience of having a colonoscopy. Well, David had the privilege today.
This time, I experienced the whole procedure from the other direction. I watched the nurse whisk him away. I talked to the doctor and got a good report. And I watched David “wake up” from the anesthetic. The kind used during a colonoscopy is unique. You remain in a twilight sleep so that you can cooperate with the doctor, but afterward you remember nothing. And you continue to remember nothing—even if you are told the same thing seventy times!
What I noticed most about David’s recovery was his insistence that he was wide-awake. The nurse brought him a cup of coffee and he insisted on holding it, even though he kept falling asleep with it in his hand. I would then take it or support it with my hand and he would wake up and inform me that he had it. That scenario continued several times.
Of all my touching experiences today, I am most thoughtful about this one. I played the role of a guiding hand, even though David insisted he didn’t need guidance. Is that how it is with God as my guiding hand? He doesn’t take the responsibility of my life away from me. But he comes, places his hands around the “cup” of my life and supports me. Sometimes I resist; I think I’m more awake than I really am. Yet, he doesn’t consider my orneriness as an offense. He remains faithful.
“Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence...If I take the wings of the dawn, if I dwell in the remotest part of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me….” Psalm 139: 10
A question for spiritual direction: How do you sense the hand of God guiding your life today? Are you resisting or cooperating?
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
30 Days of Touching
Day 20: Touchy-Feely
I was driving to Ft. Wayne today to meet with a client when the Spirit prompted me to pray and open myself to the world of touch. Almost immediately, the expression “touchy-feely” came to mind. I mused about the expression; tried to wrap my mind around what we mean when we say something is touchy-feely.
Touchy-feely typically refers to something that is sappy, emotional and sentimental. Is that what it means to you? I wondered if it also described the two directions of affection—I touch you, I feel you touch me. That reminded me of my relationship with God. I even had the image of Da Vinci’s Hand of God painting—the one where God’s hand reaches down from heaven and a human hand reaches back. Now the expression spoke in a new way for me.
Touchy-feely began to describe to me the reciprocity of affection between God and humankind. James 4:8 comes to mind: “Come close to God, and God will come close to you.” That little equation has proven true for me. A relationship with God involves touching God—reaching out, seeking after him, “feeling our way to him” (as Paul says in Acts 17: 27). Likewise, it involves God touching us, seeking after us and pursuing us with his love and presence. (Luke 15:3-7)
So, now when you hear or use the expression “touchy-feely,” you might think of it differently. A bit like the Dr. Seuss character, a Push-me-pull-you, touchy-feely is a beautiful picture of how we engage with God and God engages with us.
A question for spiritual direction: Which are you more comfortable and familiar with—touching God or being touched by him?
I was driving to Ft. Wayne today to meet with a client when the Spirit prompted me to pray and open myself to the world of touch. Almost immediately, the expression “touchy-feely” came to mind. I mused about the expression; tried to wrap my mind around what we mean when we say something is touchy-feely.
Touchy-feely typically refers to something that is sappy, emotional and sentimental. Is that what it means to you? I wondered if it also described the two directions of affection—I touch you, I feel you touch me. That reminded me of my relationship with God. I even had the image of Da Vinci’s Hand of God painting—the one where God’s hand reaches down from heaven and a human hand reaches back. Now the expression spoke in a new way for me.
Touchy-feely began to describe to me the reciprocity of affection between God and humankind. James 4:8 comes to mind: “Come close to God, and God will come close to you.” That little equation has proven true for me. A relationship with God involves touching God—reaching out, seeking after him, “feeling our way to him” (as Paul says in Acts 17: 27). Likewise, it involves God touching us, seeking after us and pursuing us with his love and presence. (Luke 15:3-7)
So, now when you hear or use the expression “touchy-feely,” you might think of it differently. A bit like the Dr. Seuss character, a Push-me-pull-you, touchy-feely is a beautiful picture of how we engage with God and God engages with us.
A question for spiritual direction: Which are you more comfortable and familiar with—touching God or being touched by him?
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