tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44573299646174574362024-02-19T10:41:01.980-06:00Peregrine JourneyThe word peregrine means to wander or travel about in the wide open spaces. It is not an aimless wandering but a purposeful one, yet the purpose is not a prescribed destination....it's a pilgrimage of discovery.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10922431519065321769noreply@blogger.comBlogger267125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4457329964617457436.post-28279573338183248632015-01-18T19:32:00.000-06:002015-01-18T19:32:08.355-06:00Please visit the new location of my blog on bethbooram.orgI have moved my blog to my personal web site. Please visit me there to read new blog posts, hear about my new books and register for the Starting Something New retreats. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10922431519065321769noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4457329964617457436.post-39772609621951480302015-01-02T15:59:00.002-06:002015-01-02T16:29:01.647-06:00Word-of-the-Year 2015: REST<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve known for a couple of weeks what my word-of-the-year
needed to be about but actually landing on the precise word has been difficult.
The idea I wanted to convey with this linguistic focal point for the year was
the attitude of open-handed trust in God; a letting go of striving,
willfulness, driveness as I surrendered all outcomes of my life and work to
God. I couldn’t quite land on a word until I processed it with my spiritual
director and he suggested the word “rest.” </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; tab-stops: 334.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My immediate reaction when I heard the word “rest” was
one of dread and resistance. That kind of response is often a sign of exactly
where I need to pay attention and open myself more fully to God. In the world
of spiritual direction, we understand that interior resistance, the reaction of
discomfort and stubbornness, is often fertile ground for the work of the
Spirit. I laughed out loud when Jim presented “rest” as a word to prayerfully
consider, noting my resistance and admitting that I wished I hadn’t asked for
his help. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Why rest? I had really wanted a word that captured the
idea of planting and waiting for harvest; initiating and leaving the results to
God. The truth is planting and initiating are native to my personality. I am a
doer, goal-setter, hard worker and perseverer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What I struggle most with is living open-handedly toward the outcome of
my work and initiative. I want to get in there and help God out; control the process
or assist God in the work and results. Resting is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">exactly</i> the posture I need to cultivate.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">For me to choose this word rest is not to suggest that
this next year will be a year-long holiday. Rather, I’m eager for this word to
become my interior posture of “holy indifference,” a phrase used by St.
Ignatius to describe an attitude where I leave all consequences of my life to
God and trust the Faithfull One with the harvest. Here’s a parable of Jesus, in
my own paraphrase, that captures the way in which I hope to live this out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Here is what the kingdom of God is
like: a woman who throws seeds onto the earth. Day and night, as she <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">works</b> and as she <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">rests,</b> the seeds sprout and climb out into the light, even though
she doesn’t understand how it works. <sup><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></sup><i>It’s as though</i> the
soil itself produced the grain <i>somehow</i>—from a sprouted stalk to ripened
fruit. <sup><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></sup>But <i>however it happens,</i> when she sees that the
grain has grown and ripened, she gets her sickle and begins to cut it because
the harvest has come.” (The Voice) Mark 4:26-29</span><br />
<br /><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The sower in this case does what she
can, planting and then resting, trusting the nature of soil, sun, rain and
atmosphere to do its generative work. This next year as my new book <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Starting Something New: Spiritual Direction
for Your God-given Dream </i>is released and I begin a tour of retreats on the
book, I have clear instructions from God that I am to “rest” in him and resist
the temptation to strive for results. Even as I pray the word “rest,” it
resonates deeply and with rightness in me in terms of where I am these days and
where God is shaping me. </span><br />
<br /><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">How about you? Have you found the word
for 2015 that could be your North Star? A word that will help navigate what God
is inviting you to be, do or grow toward? Happy New Year as you orient yourself
to that star and set sail into this new year! </span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10922431519065321769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4457329964617457436.post-14996992705678627662014-11-02T09:18:00.000-06:002014-11-02T09:27:56.790-06:00This I Believe: Hiddenness is the Way toward Interior Freedom<br />
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<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I've known for some time that the best description I can give for my spiritual quest right now is the desire for interior freedom. Below is an excerpt from a book called <em>Fire of Mercy</em> and edited by my husband. As I read it this morning, it resonated so deeply with me and what I know to be true about my spiritual journey. I offer it as a meditation, hoping that it will speak to you of invitation and intimacy.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Left to our instincts, we will never be anything but
pretenders, especially in the realm of religion.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Jesus, for his part, prescribes the way to the heart,
which begins with withdrawal from finding approval in the world around us. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And so he says, "Go into your storeroom, lock your
door, pray to your Father."</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My own feet must come back into my house. My own hand
must lock the door. My own heart must pray in secret. Once I have entered this
inner chamber, I can go out to find God everywhere, but not before, because in
fact the God I encountered deep in my interior silence will show me his
presence in the cosmos. Until then I will be seeing only reflections of my own
desires and hearing echoes of my own inner noise.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In that way, no one else’s experience of God can be
imitated so as to become my own.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The true God abides in hiddenness.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Inside comes before outside, center before periphery,
hiddenness before manifestation, since all of the latter are “generated” by the
former.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">One of God’s truest names is, *“the One who sees in hidden
places.” In a way we could say that God only sees in hidden places, that
consequently the actions and attitudes of pretenders in public places are not
seen by God because they are not real. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hiddenness is here a crucial criterion for genuineness,
for reality, for being in fact. How horrible not to be seen by God, to live in
such a way that our lives are mere fleeting ghosts before him! Our vanity and
all our chasing the wind are not so much evils as they are insubstantial: to
the point of rendering God blind to them.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hiddenness, solitude, and silence have the effect, so to
speak, of gathering up the scattered: atoms of our being and kneading them into
an image recognizable in the eyes of God.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The Father has made me a steward over myself, and
interiority is the space where I do the work assigned me. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now, the deepest part of the work assigned me is to seek
for the Face of God even as he himself is forever seeking my face, my
true-identity.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In actuality, God has already found me, but I cannot find
him until I come home into myself.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No other human work can be successful unless it can be
traced back to this essential activity that is purely interior: seeking the
Face of God so as to abide in its presence with the deepest part of my being. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The call to do this constitutes human identity."</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #333333;"><em>Fire
of Mercy, Heart of the Word: Meditations on the Gospel According to Saint
Matthew: Vol. 1</em></span> by Erasmo Leiva-Merikakis </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;">This is the name Hagar gave to God when she encountered him in the wilderness. The image is of Hagar with her son, Ishmael.</span> </span></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10922431519065321769noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4457329964617457436.post-12631113400022322462014-09-20T10:36:00.001-05:002014-09-20T10:36:59.677-05:00Foreshadowing: What I discovered I wrote to David in his Senior High School Year Book<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0mRqwhG2fyGs5NUo5BiV2OH8o5SQ_1hWRmcTmogbNUqfjufDGIyAvDfyQngGazvzhzbXplvV6rwVLlZRCQRg5dZ8aT6-UKoCilq2TUDduvlmaCqlbgCw9CIXqZMTB7NznHdf1B655ZY7x/s1600/Yearbook+David.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0mRqwhG2fyGs5NUo5BiV2OH8o5SQ_1hWRmcTmogbNUqfjufDGIyAvDfyQngGazvzhzbXplvV6rwVLlZRCQRg5dZ8aT6-UKoCilq2TUDduvlmaCqlbgCw9CIXqZMTB7NznHdf1B655ZY7x/s1600/Yearbook+David.jpg" height="200" width="112" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiQimdSkgDeWOHe7ljVQ9pP5PySRzwwvyKaqd8JvRuUnfydwGIxHvbed2ybqJoeu26KDhytm-cdY3x_hFUCDpWpSIcodm9HeLWN-BpkTWyclNs9To1jgo7ID8f881NK5L9R0zldzzvno0K/s1600/Yearbook+Beth.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiQimdSkgDeWOHe7ljVQ9pP5PySRzwwvyKaqd8JvRuUnfydwGIxHvbed2ybqJoeu26KDhytm-cdY3x_hFUCDpWpSIcodm9HeLWN-BpkTWyclNs9To1jgo7ID8f881NK5L9R0zldzzvno0K/s1600/Yearbook+Beth.jpg" height="200" width="112" /></a>Tonight is our 40<sup>th</sup> High School Class Reunion. I
realize that by admitting that I’m also admitting my age. Oh, well. Times like
these make me thoughtful and reflective of my life; of things past that with a
single prompt become a flood of once-buried memories. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
David just came downstairs with his Southport High School Anchor
1974 Yearbook. He opened it to the back, to the page I had signed and what I
wrote to him in the spring of 1974. He made me read it out loud to him as we ate
breakfast. Keep in mind, we were only friends. Well, not “only.” He kissed me
once in high school. Only once. We had a sweet and significant friendship. But
we never really dated in high school. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: center 3.25in;">
Here’s a snippet of what I
wrote:<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;">"</span>David
Lee,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
Well, David, we’ve come a long way
from 9<sup>th</sup> grade Christmas dances to serious walks in the park and a
real understanding of each other. Our closeness is different, you know. It’s
kind of a mutual smile that means I care and a kind of feeling you get when love
is near. You know you’re the one person I’m not worried about not seeing after
school is out. I feel like our togetherness is for eternity." </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
"Maybe I should be more realistic,
but I don’t want to ever be without you. I need you. I guess I can feel like since
we’re both going to IU, we will still have each other. But what’s after that? I
can feel dependent and confident with you around. I hope I give you the same
feeling of security. Dave Lee, remember band, Garfield Park, Pizza’s,
orchestra, the dance, being at my home talking, and memories like that. What I
remember more, though, is your face; especially your smile."</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
"I don’t feel like I’m saying what I
want to say. Maybe that’s another thing about close friends. They can’t really
say what they feel. So how’s this: My thoughts are with you. My thoughts are
deep and close and loving and warm and tender when you’re in my head and you’re
in my head a lot. Did you know that? You’re smile, I’ll remember always."</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> "</span>Take
care, my friend. Remember, the Lord is coming. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Love in Christ, Beth Ann
McLaughlin"</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I read these words out loud, David called them “prescient.”
They read to me like foreshadowing; as though God, through the experience of me
grappling with words to express my feelings, was telling me something I knew in
my heart—but didn’t know. I read them today with amazement and gratitude for
God’s overwhelming grace in our marriage; in David and me finding one another,
choosing one another, and continuing to choose and prefer each other for more
than 35 years. God’s grace is the only word that explains what we’ve had
together. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As we celebrate with old friends and a few current friends
tonight, I have a mixture of nervousness and eager anticipation. I hope and
pray for meaningful connections with people who were part of such a formative
time in my life. I pray for moments of Llight like this one. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And by the way, I should add what I wrote as a P.S. in David’s
Yearbook: “In case of rapture, see you up there!! Maranatha!” A signature obviously
influenced by Hal Lindsey—a big sensation in those days :). </div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10922431519065321769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4457329964617457436.post-56072499677064731902014-08-30T09:44:00.002-05:002014-08-30T09:44:16.946-05:00What Happens within the Heart of God when we Cry?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg85cYJUZhK2lDQyYoo8j0vHKoij0XsURPmCYk43YMB04coLuOZfOgU7MBFV2L1lG7ULQP8ExydyUxc-ojbAxofQ5unih3aAbOCOwMui2AMioymBRYraCDxYoccV-zi-627Co6yPWuX8Umj/s1600/Richard+Sibbes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg85cYJUZhK2lDQyYoo8j0vHKoij0XsURPmCYk43YMB04coLuOZfOgU7MBFV2L1lG7ULQP8ExydyUxc-ojbAxofQ5unih3aAbOCOwMui2AMioymBRYraCDxYoccV-zi-627Co6yPWuX8Umj/s1600/Richard+Sibbes.jpg" height="320" width="305" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Richard Sibbes (1577–1635)</span></td></tr>
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How we think of God, how we envision God’s disposition
toward us is said to be the most important thing about us. A puritan by the
name of Richard Sibbes was known for his vision of God as a life-giving,
generative, warming sun. And in like kind, Sibbes was known to emanate the same
disposition. He likened God’s love and goodness, his stance toward us, as “the
breast that loves to ease itself of milk.” </div>
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What an interesting and curious—unconventional—image. When I
read this description, I was instantly transported to memories of being a
nursing mother. I loved nursing my babies. It was a sweet and tender time. I
remember that deep and profound satisfaction of being able to provide
nourishment for them; the incredible sensation of my milk “letting down” at the
sound of their cry or the moment they began to “root” for the breast. </div>
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And it didn’t happen only with <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">my</i> babies. I could be in a grocery store minding my own business
and hear an infant start to whimper. More than likely his or her mother was
hurrying, trying to get the shopping done so that she could leave before she
had to stop and nurse her little one. I would hear the sound of that baby,
someone else’s baby, and it was not unusual to feel my milk begin to let down. Arms
pressed tightly across my chest, I would move along, as quickly as possible,
hoping not to leak milk. </div>
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As I read Sibbes description of the compassion and goodness
of God as a “breast that loves to ease itself of milk,” it occurred to me that that
is what happens within the heart of God when I cry; when you cry. His heart is
moved with compassion and desire; his milk “lets down”; his desire to respond
to our needs is aroused.</div>
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So why is it that far too often when we cry out for God, for
relief to have our needs met it doesn’t appear that God comes running? I’ve heard
half-a-dozen stories in the last ten days of people who are there. Right there.
Praying, asking God to show up, to help them know he’s there with them in the
darkness of their lives? </div>
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I’ve been there before, too—many times—times when I
desperately needed and wanted God to alleviate the pain of my life or the ache
in my heart. I wonder during those times how I can imagine the heart of God easing
itself of the milk of love and desire for me while my circumstances or
emotional experience or spiritual sense remains unaltered. </div>
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What I notice as I reflect is the “gap time” between my
crying out and God’s intervening; his milk letting down. Sometimes the gap
feels like eternity. Often it takes longer than I’d like. I want instant
gratification, like an infant who wants what he/she wants when he/she wants it!
I notice that God allows time to intensify my desire, ache, hunger. And I also
notice that I’ve never starved to death. </div>
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In due time, like a mother moved by her baby’s cry, I have
experienced the nurturing love of God fill my empty heart with love and warmth
and care. So, for me, this image of a nursing mother is compelling and a
hopeful way to think of God and what happens within God’s heart when I cry. </div>
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If you, like the individuals I have been with and stories I’ve
heard the last ten days, are feeling as though you are in the dark, groping
about and crying out to a God who seems indifferent, try contemplating God in
this way. Know that God meets you only within your lived experience--within the
reality of your life situation and your need for him. Imagine God’s heart
letting down with love and desire for you. That IS his disposition toward you—not
a waning mood or fleeting impulse. God is compassionate and responsive to you.
What you are experiencing is the “gap time” before his milk comes. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10922431519065321769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4457329964617457436.post-65791963313763082082014-08-27T21:11:00.003-05:002014-08-27T21:11:59.013-05:00The Father-Daughter Dance <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-oEfvhb0HITbtRlJ29iClZ3wpvM9YjrTp3dU0Qq35QlNKv8-_P49KRR9JYk51bPh1G6C5l0Co3_LmvsctNpcwhs138XJn7fVC_bq6BxByCyjfelHfY413UVXPEpr6SEjDx_ERyrdDo-DA/s1600/Beth+and+Dad.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-oEfvhb0HITbtRlJ29iClZ3wpvM9YjrTp3dU0Qq35QlNKv8-_P49KRR9JYk51bPh1G6C5l0Co3_LmvsctNpcwhs138XJn7fVC_bq6BxByCyjfelHfY413UVXPEpr6SEjDx_ERyrdDo-DA/s1600/Beth+and+Dad.JPG" height="195" width="200" /></a></div>
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Today’s date will always be significant to me. It will
always take me back to one of the most vivid and unforgettable days of my life;
the day I witnessed death for the first time; the day I sat next to my dad’s
bed and watched him die. He’d been sick for a year and a half, surrendering, cell-by-cell,
to a wicked disease called pancreatic cancer. When we first found out about it,
I couldn’t believe it. It didn’t seem conceivable to me that I was old enough to
see one of my parents die. For 16 months, a heavy, melancholy canopy hung over our
lives; a canopy that came unhinged seventeen years ago today. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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Interestingly, someone I met with today for spiritual direction shared a tender story about her dad. I know that my role as a spiritual director is to listen and provide helpful questions so that my directees can explore how God is at work in their lives. It is not my place to bring up memories of my own life that come to me. But in this instance, and because I know this person fairly well, I took a risk and asked if I might tell her about something her story caused me to remember. I mentioned that today is the anniversary of my dad's death and that when she was sharing, it immediately
brought to mind a long-forgotten memory of my very first Father-Daughter dance. </div>
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I was in fifth or sixth grade and enrolled in an etiquette class
called “Mrs. Gate’s Ballroom Dancing”—a kind of popular thing to do in the mid-1960’s.
The girls wore white, wrist-length gloves and white anklets with polished patent
leather shoes. (Or maybe hose, if you were really grown up.) I don’t recall what
the boys wore, but I’m pretty sure it included a neck tie. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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At the beginning of class, we’d line up against the hallway
into the ballroom—girls on one side, boys on the other. Mrs. Gates stood at the
head of the line. She would turn, politely, to the girl, shake her hand and ask
her name. And then to the boy, shake his hand, and ask his name. And then she
would introduce the girl to the boy, we’d shake hands and say to each other, “It’s
very nice to meet you, _________.” And off we’d go, dance partners for the rest
of the class. </div>
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I remember that sometimes we’d look across the line of boys in
the hallway and count back to see who we would be paired with. There was one
particular boy that no one wanted to dance with and so we would squeeze in and
out of line to avoid that fate—a cruelty that makes me sad to think about today.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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The culmination of all the weeks of practice
learning the fox trot and cha-cha was a special, end-of-class dance. This was a big
deal because everyone’s parents came and we dressed up and sat at round tables
with white table clothes and showed off to our parents our good manners and fancy dances.
But what I really, really looked forward to (besides dancing with Rusty Nichols,
the boy I had a crush on at the time) was the Father-Daughter dance. </div>
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I’m a little surprised by this, but what I remember most is the
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">anticipation</i> I had of the
Father-Daughter dance, more than actually dancing with my dad. I remember looking
SO forward to my dad coming and to him seeing me all dressed up. I remember thinking
about what it would be like for him to make his way onto the dance floor; to look
for me in the crowd of little girls; to find me and dance with me. I remember being
so excited for this big moment and feeling proud that he was my dad. </div>
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This memory and my savoring the anticipation of what it would be like to be pursued and found and chosen by my dad certainly speaks of that deep ache that still persists in me--and I think in most girls and grown women I know. It reveals how profound my desire to be desired and cherished--something my father offered me, though imperfectly. It echos the even more profound longing I have to be desired and loved and cherished by Someone with the capacity to love me perfectly--my Heavenly Father. </div>
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<br /></div>
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It was an extra sweet gift today, of all days, to be
reminded of my first Father-Daughter dance.I love you Dad. I’m still proud of you. I remember you today
with gratefulness. Thanks for dancing with me.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10922431519065321769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4457329964617457436.post-69457491124288815122014-08-24T07:11:00.003-05:002014-08-24T07:11:27.463-05:00"You're Afriad of Empty"<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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We stood in the foyer of our home, saying good bye to
some new friends who had stopped by to meet us and hear the story of <a href="http://www.sustainablefaithindy.com/" target="_blank">Sustainable Faith Indy</a>. We’d had one of those serendipitous visits where you feel as though
you’ve met some new friends who, in truth, are old friends—kindred spirits.
Just before they walked out the door, the husband turned and said to me, “What
I’ve been hearing from the Lord these days is, '_______, You’re afraid of
empty.’” </div>
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<br /></div>
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Something of his words, that simple statement, felt
unusual and personally significant. I’ve continued to ponder them since and
brought them into my own time of contemplation and prayer. I’ve wondered if
they are words for me. If I’m afraid of empty. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Empty is a negative word. It means to be without. To have
nothing. Empty stomachs growl. Empty pockets beg. Empty words are vacuous and
insincere. Empty thoughts are meaningless. Yet how might empty be an invitation
from God; something that God desires of me; of us? What happens when I’m empty?
What happens when I’m not?</div>
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When I’m empty of words I listen better. I’m not so eager
to say what’s on my mind and short change someone else from being able to share
fully and without interruption. When I’m empty of activity, it creates space in
my life to listen to God and my own heart. When I slow down and become still, I
am far more able to hear his still small voice. When I’m empty of my ego, my
false self, the true and real self in me has room to expand and fill with life
and love. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Being afraid of empty is to live life re-actively, anxiously
avoiding the cessation of motion; avoiding silence, stillness and solitariness.
It may explain why our culture is the way it is. Look around and notice how
fast we move, how full we fill our lives. Afraid of empty explains why we can’t
be in our cars without the radio on; at home without a television or sound
system blaring in the background; why we can't be alone with our own thoughts; why we can't be alone, period. </div>
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But what are we missing when we jam our minds, hearts and
lives with clutter—all out of fear of being empty? I can tell you that I miss
the richer, deeper thoughts that come from quiet contemplation. I miss hearing
the whispers of the Spirit. I miss noticing the cries of another's soul,
expressed ever-so-discreetly and cautiously, testing to see if I’m safe enough,
empty enough, to notice. I miss the wonder of life all around me that can only
be seen from a snail’s pace. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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I miss God filling me. For you see only God can fill an
empty vessel. A vessel that’s been cleansed of ego and nonsense. A life that’s
being healed of addiction to noise and stuff, where space has been freed. A body
and being that has been offered to God in openness, stillness, silence and aloneness. </div>
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<span class="text">A prayer has been circling within me
over the last several weeks; a prayer of emptying. It has formed quite
naturally and repeats itself again and again when my heart and mind pause and
drift toward prayer. </span></div>
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<span class="text">Oh, God—</span></div>
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<span class="text">Cleanse me.</span></div>
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<span class="text">Forgive me.</span></div>
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<span class="text">Heal me.</span></div>
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<span class="text">Free me.</span></div>
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<span class="text">Fill me. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span class="text">Cleanse me of all that clutters my life.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span class="text">Forgive me of sin that stains my life
and steals from you.</span></div>
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<span class="text">Heal me of my compulsions to fill the
emptiness with empty things.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span class="text">Free space in me for you and for your good
work. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span class="text">Fill me with your Spirit, with your
love. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEot2fzuopxtt-dltiKA9AtdeDNScs11Bbpymaf9rPjHtH32bto2RxIKCtEmwhOsy9GNWyK51GvNDp_Pk09_Z7PNgZATsyFcyEsIwTm-RD4ZFEOQ4aWsWXpUSbK0V_wleDfeoSIPNBB2nq/s1600/10606486_10152325676656347_1646656632399138933_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEot2fzuopxtt-dltiKA9AtdeDNScs11Bbpymaf9rPjHtH32bto2RxIKCtEmwhOsy9GNWyK51GvNDp_Pk09_Z7PNgZATsyFcyEsIwTm-RD4ZFEOQ4aWsWXpUSbK0V_wleDfeoSIPNBB2nq/s1600/10606486_10152325676656347_1646656632399138933_n.jpg" height="308" width="400" /></a><span class="text">Amen to being empty. </span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10922431519065321769noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4457329964617457436.post-38322147544013172982014-08-04T16:46:00.003-05:002014-08-04T16:46:51.990-05:00Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep: Helpful Habits for Putting Ourselves to Bed<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtgBEkonPkfTBZnphEuB24y5_kb8r3VA0C-JZIhCmOXaPycBAzAsUpKzx7UZzvXmDPLyPHUhMNdsW96b2aMatOlQExl8aTzpNxVlveDGPERbj-hlrlRGh3OcAhp5_aFshIzm8aNGBoOjjc/s1600/Bongo+on+Katie%27s+bed.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtgBEkonPkfTBZnphEuB24y5_kb8r3VA0C-JZIhCmOXaPycBAzAsUpKzx7UZzvXmDPLyPHUhMNdsW96b2aMatOlQExl8aTzpNxVlveDGPERbj-hlrlRGh3OcAhp5_aFshIzm8aNGBoOjjc/s1600/Bongo+on+Katie's+bed.JPG" height="239" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="tab-stops: 144.75pt;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"></span>Last night, about a half-hour before I went to bed, I
popped onto my lap top, responded to a few emails, and checked Face Book to see
who liked a picture on my wall of my adorable grandson. Prior to that, I’d been
reading a non-fiction book; a book that was engaging and clicked my brain into
gear. And then I went to bed, laid my head on my pillow, and stared up at the
ceiling. What I noticed was how alert I felt; how not sleepy, untired and unready
for bed I was.
</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
I’ve never struggled a lot with not being able to sleep,
though there have been periods of time when I was anxious about something,
excited or upset, and found it hard to go to sleep. But as a rule, I’m a good
sleeper. Eight hours a night. And I know better than to get involved in things right
before bedtime that could wait, need to wait, until a new day when I’m fresh. </div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
As a spiritual director, I hear stories of many who
struggle with putting themselves to bed. They don’t sleep well. Have cases of
mild to major insomnia. And I imagine they can attribute some of the
restlessness to their own bad habits of stirring up their minds and energizing
their emotions, just like I did last night. In fact, research suggests that 60
million Americans struggle with insomnia! </div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
I know better. However, when I fail to follow my “know
better,” I experience sleeplessness like the other 60 million people in the US.
It’s a bad deal. I slog through my day in a fog; my engagement with life sluggish;
my response to others impatient; my creativity and mental acuity dulled. And
agonizingly, not sleeping can beget not sleeping, which multiplies my anxiety
and lack of productivity. It’s a bummer to not sleep. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
I’ve read about and tried some things that seem to help
me put myself to bed and enter a more conducive state of restfulness that leads
to sleep. When I do these things, I not only fall asleep more easily, I sleep
more restfully. </div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Here are few thing I do that seem to help:</div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Clean sheets: I sure don’t change my bed every
night, but soft, clean sheets really make going to bed a comforting and cozy
experience. Also, taking a warm shower before I climb into my bed with clean
sheets makes me feel like I’ve rinsed the day off and am ready to put it behind.
</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>A bedtime routine: I go through the same process
every night in preparation for bed. Wash my face; brush my teeth; put on my pj’s;
put clothes away. When I’m going through the motions, I feel myself looking
forward to bed. My body and mind start to anticipate it. </div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>15 to 30 minutes of winding down: When I take a
short time to unwind before I actually turn the lights off, I’m more likely to
fade into a state of sleepiness and I fall asleep more quickly. Sometimes that
idle time takes the form of reading a book that is calming. It also includes <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not</i> doing some things, like watching
television, being on my computer or IPad, or reading something that agitates my
brain rather than helps it calm down. </div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Evening prayer of examine: This prayer, developed
by St. Ignatius, is a time of noting when you felt close to God, were aware of
God during your day and when you felt far away. It’s often the case that when I
lay in the dark and begin this examine of my day that I will drift off to sleep.
My last thoughts are often ones of when I felt God’s presence. </div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
These are a few good habits that help me fall asleep and
sleep well so that I can live life with the mental, emotional, physical and
spiritual vitality that I desire and that aids my fruitfulness. So, what works
for you? What helps you ease into a state of restfulness and deep, peaceful, nourishing
sleep? Are you aware of anything that contributes to you not resting well and
becoming sleep-starved? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sleep is such a
precious gift and commodity; we’d be wise to do whatever it takes to protect and
nurture it. </div>
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<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10922431519065321769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4457329964617457436.post-24651724121861004012014-05-07T06:08:00.004-05:002014-05-07T06:16:01.000-05:00The Spiritual Art of Raising Children with Disabilities: A guest post by Kathleen Deyer Bolduc (make a comment and you might win a copy!)<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuwF5CT_ekgqzwhbDAa7-RBPIchiTl07-wcSEi58tMMtYlq4ANVR_XzgGQpbwPj_VvyNd3G82dJLLZYPLU4m72GCjUAoXXIn4w0lfbzQYO43sPY_Ci7ozt1jRQ4abaGurYl3IDzoUqTNPs/s1600/TheSpiritualArt+(1).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuwF5CT_ekgqzwhbDAa7-RBPIchiTl07-wcSEi58tMMtYlq4ANVR_XzgGQpbwPj_VvyNd3G82dJLLZYPLU4m72GCjUAoXXIn4w0lfbzQYO43sPY_Ci7ozt1jRQ4abaGurYl3IDzoUqTNPs/s1600/TheSpiritualArt+(1).jpg" height="200" width="129" /></a></div>
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A new friend of mine and fellow spiritual director, Kathy Bolduc, has recently written a book called <i>The Spiritual Art of Raising Children with Disabilities</i>. An excerpt is below. As I have read through its pages, I am drawn into a world that I don't know much about personally, but know several friends who do. </div>
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Kathy writes with empathy, wisdom and encouragement as she offers stories and Scripture and provides reflections for parents who are trying to "gather up the broken pieces" and rearrange them in a mosaic that tells their story and searches for God in it. If you have a child with disabilities or know someone who does, read or pass along this book. It will infuse you with hope and teach you about the art of parenting this child. </div>
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<b>Make a comment below (by Thursday at 5 pm) and you will have a chance to win a copy of Kathy's book. </b>(A comment will be selected by number through random.com.) </div>
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<b>Celebration</b></div>
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Applause, everyone.
Bravo, bravissimo! Shout God-songs at the top of your lungs!</div>
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Psalm 47:1 (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Message</i>)</div>
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My son Joel, who has autism, loves to dance. He’s a study in
joy on the dance floor—arms flailing, feet shuffling, eyes shining. Joy bubbles
up in my veins as I watch him, inviting me to get up and do my own celebratory
dance. </div>
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I find myself asking, “When was the last time I celebrated?
Truly celebrated?”</div>
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Celebration brings joy, and joy makes us strong. The prophet
Nehemiah reminds us that <span class="textneh-8-10">the joy of the </span><span class="small-caps"><span style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span></span><span class="textneh-8-10"> is our strength (Nehemiah 8:10). Richard Foster writes,
“Celebration is central to all the Spiritual Disciplines. Without a joyful
spirit of festivity the Disciplines become dull, death-breathing tools in the
hands of modern Pharisees. Every Discipline should be characterized by carefree
gaity and a sense of thanksgiving.” (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Celebration
of Discipline</i>, p. 164)</span></div>
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This past weekend my husband Wally and I were scheduled to
help out at the monthly dance held at Joel’s home, Safe Haven Farms. We look
forward to these dances. Just watching my son dance is a guarantee of entering
into a little piece of heaven on earth. But this particular night, for whatever
reason, Joel was agitated and anxious, unable to relax. He walked into the
brightly decorated multi-purpose room where music was blaring, took one look
around and turned on his heel, running for the door. Dan, his one-on-one staff,
followed closely behind.</div>
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Within five minutes Joel returned. He refused to sit down
for dinner, which had just been served. Out the door he ran, again. I continued
dishing up food, watching my son run in and out of the building several times
over the course of twenty minutes. Finally, Wally whispered in my ear. “Let’s
go.” </div>
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We gathered up Joel’s backpack and meds, shepherded him to
the car, and headed toward our home, where he was scheduled to spend the night.</div>
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Just seven o’clock on a beautiful evening, bedtime was still
a couple of hours away. We decided to take a cruise on our new pontoon boat,
located just up the road from our house. A visual mantle of relaxation settled
over Joel the moment he stepped onto the boat. Putzing around the lake at a
leisurely pace, we surprised at least ten great blue herons from their rookery
in a tree near the bank. We watched in awe as they took off in flight, lifting
into the air with great, measured strokes.</div>
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We sang Joel’s favorite praise songs—“This is the Day,” “I
Love You, Lord,” and “This Little Light of Mine.” After singing Joel hunkered
down in a lawn chair on the front of the boat, peering out from under the bill
of his baseball cap, relishing the wind in his face. I felt my body and spirit
release all tension as his eyes crinkled up with a face-transforming smile.
“Thank you, God,” I whispered.</div>
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Toward the end of the ride a flash of silver to the right of
the boat caught my eye. I turned to see a bald eagle flying past with a fish in
his beak. Wally turned off the boat’s engine, and we sat for several minutes,
watching with rapt attention as this majestic bird landed in the top of a tree
and devoured his catch, white head bobbing up and down as he tore at his prey. </div>
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This evening we <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">celebrated</i>.
It wasn’t a special occasion. As a matter of fact, we’d narrowly avoided what
could have been a major meltdown. It was a perfectly ordinary Saturday evening
in the middle of May. The lake reflected receding storm clouds, water and
clouds alike fading to lavender in the slanting rays of the lowering sun.
Herons continued winging over our heads with effortless beats of their great,
wide wings. A beautiful wake streamed out behind the boat—waves that made Joel
particularly happy because Joel has always had a love affair with waves. The
three of us praised God, praised creation, praised this time with one another.</div>
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“The world is filled with reasons to be downcast. But deeper
than sorrow thrums the unbroken pulse of God’s joy, a joy that will yet have
its eternal day. To set our heart on this joy reminds us that we can choose how
we respond to any particular moment. We can search for God in all
circumstances, or not. We can seek the pulse of hope and celebration because it
is God’s reality. . . . Every small experience of Jesus with us
is a taste of the joy that is to come. We are not alone—and that in itself is
reason to celebrate.” (Adele Ahlberg Calhoun, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Spiritual Disciplines Handbook: Practices that Transform Us</i>)</div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Reflection Exercise</i>:
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Read Zephaniah 3:17: </div>
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<span class="textzeph-3-17">The </span><span class="small-caps"><span style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span></span><span class="textzeph-3-17">
your God is in your midst,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1-breaks"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span class="textzeph-3-17">a mighty one who will save;</span><br />
<span class="textzeph-3-17">he will rejoice over you with gladness;</span><br />
<span class="indent-1-breaks"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span class="textzeph-3-17">he will quiet you by his love;</span><br />
<span class="textzeph-3-17">he will exult over you with loud singing.</span></div>
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Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Tense and relax
any muscles in your body that are holding on to tension. How do you imagine God
rejoicing over you with gladness? Can you envision God quieting you with his
love? Exulting over you with loud singing? What feelings does this evoke within
you? Take a few moments to journal your experience.</div>
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Excerpted from <a href="http://www.judsonpress.com/product.cfm?product_id=17766">The Spiritual
Art of Raising Children with Disabilities</a> (Judson Press, 2014)</div>
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Used with permission</div>
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The mother of a 29-year-old son with autism, <a href="http://www.kathleenbolduc.com/">Kathleen Bolduc</a> is a spiritual
director in Oxford, Ohio, and the author of several books on faith and
disability, including <a href="http://www.judsonpress.com/product.cfm?product_id=17766">The Spiritual
Art of Raising Children with Disabilities</a> and <a href="http://www.judsonpress.com/product.cfm?product_id=17766">Autism &
Alleluias</a><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">.</i> Kathy’s blogs can be
found <a href="http://kathleenbolduc.com/wp/">here</a> and at <a href="http://specialneedsparenting.net/">Not Alone</a> </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10922431519065321769noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4457329964617457436.post-22022203379018685502014-05-05T15:09:00.000-05:002014-05-05T20:20:56.785-05:0035 Years Ago Today: Little did I know that I was signing up for the adventure of a lifetime! We stood at the altar, facing one another, our eyes wide open with hope and desire for our future together. And as we look back, 35 years to this day, we both realize how little we knew about each other; about what it would take to be married; and about the adventure that was to ensue.<br />
<br />
When I said "I do" to my husband, David, little did I know that I was signing up for the adventure of a lifetime. I didn't know that, through this man, I would be introduced to and develop my greatest loves in life; the love of books and reading, nature, hiking, ideas, all-things-creative, rich conversation, art, music, good wine and food. <br />
<br />
I didn't know that our love would procreate and we would give birth, raise and launch into life four beautiful, creative, energetic and compassionate kids--all of whom we are extremely proud and find to this day to be our greatest delight. We certainly had no idea, barely an imagination, for what it would be like to experience becoming parents-in-law and grandparents and being taken hostage by enchanting grandchildren. <br />
<br />
Way back when, with the innocence of young love, I had no idea that I would brave the storms of life with this man.That I would experience his profound and unwavering love and companionship through the loss of our first baby; the loss of both my parents; the loss (for a time) of faith in the church and trust in its leaders; the loss of innocence of life itself.<br />
<br />
Little did I know that one day even the honeymoon stage of our marriage would end and we would experience a season of pain, darkness, struggle and misunderstanding. And together, we would wrestle and relentlessly search for one another until we found each other in the darkness; and from there we would rebuild our trust and love and oneness.<br />
<br />
And when I said yes to young love; to this brown-eyed young groom who had won my heart forever, I didn't realize what an interesting person I was marrying. I didn't know that I would be invited to walk with him through his many "phases"--as we call them. A phase is when David is <i>totally</i> into something and speaks as though it is his new and forever "thing." And it usually lasts about five weeks or five months. But during that time it comes up in pretty much every conversation he has with just about everyone.<br />
<br />
35 years ago today, little did I know that I was signing up for the adventure of a lifetime with the most loving, patient, creative, even-keeled, interesting, curious and supportive man who said "Yes" to me 35 years ago; says "Yes" to me every day; and said "Yes" to me when I had a dream in my heart to move to the city and begin an urban retreat center in an old house in the hood. Our marriage has always been a mutual relationship, yet never have I felt more respected and trusted than when David followed me toward this dream and sunk all we had and all his heart in making it happen.<br />
<br />
After 35 years, I can see that we've done a lot of hard work in our marriage and we are experiencing a sweet harvest in the fall of our lives. Yet, most of all, I see 35 years of grace. I see how God has offered so much grace to us who so naively said "Yes" to an adventure we had no idea we were starting. God has been our North Star; our mender of hearts; our humbler and sustain-er and friend. He has been the common ground of our individual being and the quest of our individual lives. He has been the third strand in the cord. And today, 35 years later, we bless God from whom all our blessings over the last 35 years have flowed. <br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10922431519065321769noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4457329964617457436.post-38361223881186301132014-04-19T07:20:00.002-05:002014-04-19T07:29:55.682-05:00Holy Saturday: Living in the In-Between <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<b><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 200%;"> </span></span></b><span style="font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 200%;">Holy Saturday is a day of darkness and emptiness. A day of waiting--though we don't know what we are waiting for. It's a day when our faith is entombed in uncertainty and we yearn for resurrection. It's the day during Holy Week when Jesus' lifeless body lay buried in a cold tomb and his disciples were left numb, their faith frozen in time, uncertain of what to do next. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 200%;">Holy Saturday reminds us of a time in our lives when we are transitioning from what we've known to a new knowing--and we are somewhere "in-between." We look behind us
and can see where we've been. We look ahead but don’t know exactly where we
are going. And we are somewhere in the middle, between “what was” and “what
will be.”</span><span style="font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 200%;"> </span></div>
We enter Holy Saturdays through death; through our stale faith expiring and the yearning for a more real experience of God. <span style="font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 200%;">Sometimes Holy Saturdays will last a short time—maybe a few weeks or months.
But there are other times when we feel lost in the dark for several years.</span></span></span>The in-between can be filled with uncertainly and upheaval. However, when
we wait it out in Holy Saturday—we are often transformed by our journey in the -in-between. And then one day we awake to resurrection Sunday. </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<span style="font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 200%;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 200%;">(Adapted from <i>The Wide Open Spaces of God, </i>by Beth Booram) </span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10922431519065321769noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4457329964617457436.post-35378438930883512862014-04-17T08:49:00.001-05:002014-04-17T08:49:25.048-05:00Maundy Thursday: "Because I am Humble and Gentle in Heart" (Matthew 11:28)<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";"> As
Jesus and his disciples gathered in the upper room, the Passover celebration at
hand, his mood was heavy, his thoughts preoccupied. Knowing that the time had
come for him to live out his most climactic act of love, he meditated on this
moment with great thoughtfulness.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The table, laden with food, was low to
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spots, Jesus in the place of honor, at the head. John, a tender comfort to
Jesus during this time, sat close, sensing his teacher’s sadness.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The men carried on conversations with
one another, subconsciously aware of the heaviness of this unnamed grief, the premonition
that they were attending a farewell party and something was about to happen of
which they had no control.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Their upper bodies leaned forward
toward the table, their left hand supporting their weight. They ate with their
clean hand as they engaged in banter, their legs and sandaled feet extending
behind them. Quietly, Jesus slipped back from the table. The eyes of his
disciples glanced toward him, observing his quiet movement. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>He began to disrobe, taking off his
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a servant had left behind. He picked it up and wrapped it around his stripped
body, mimicking the look of a lowly servant. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jesus found a large bowl and poured water into
it from a jug. Then he carried the bowl over to the table, stooping low to the
ground behind each disciple. Taking on the job of a menial houseboy, one by
one, he began to wash each of his disciple’s feet. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The men felt awkward and
uncomfortable. It occurred to some that they had failed to think about this
simple act of hospitality—washing feet. Whose responsibility should it have
been? Certainly none of theirs. Where was that servant who had prepared the
food and thoughtlessly overlooked this courtesy? Their faces reddened with
shame and embarrassment, as they submitted to Jesus’ act of humiliating
himself.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>They were silent, all except Peter. He
never could use self-restraint when it came to questioning what Jesus was doing.
With indignation, Peter protested, saying to him, “Are you really going to wash
my feet?” Jesus insisted, responding to Peter, “Unless I wash your feet, you
won’t be able to share with me in this fellowship of servant hood.” </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Stunned and humbled, Peter consented,
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";">Clothed in Humility</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>When Jesus shared in this meal with
his disciples, he wanted it to be memorable—a teachable moment. His act of
washing their feet was a foreshadowing of what was to come. Jesus, knowing that
his earthly ministry was almost over, faced his final act of humiliation. He
would submit himself to death on a Roman cross. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";">He chose to teach his disciples
through this pericope—this smaller story germinating in the larger story of
God’s redemption—an unforgettable lesson about servant leadership. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";">The first thing Jesus did was take
off his priestly robes, lay them aside, and put on the stole of a servant.
Imagine being at a private dinner party and the guest of honor taking off their
dress clothes and putting on an apron in order to bus the tables. Something
about that act would seem inappropriate, out of place, and objectionable.
That’s how it must have felt to the disciples, as they watched their Lord put
on the garments of a slave and perform an unbecoming task. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";">Humble people are like that. They
don’t mind taking on a lower standing than what life could afford them. Unpretentious
people don’t mind doing the chores that no body wants to do. Their joy isn’t in
being lifted up, but in lowering themselves in order to serve others. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";">The Posture of the
Humble</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Jesus knelt, as he made his way around
the table behind each of his disciples, washing and wiping their feet. His
posture reflected the essence of humility, the idea of leveling oneself to the
stature of those with whom you are relating. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>In this society, only the lowliest of
servants would engage in such an undignified job. Even peers would not offer
that act of service to one another. The disciples could hardly imagine washing
one another’s feet, let alone allowing Jesus, their teacher, to wash theirs. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>After Jesus was finished, he asked
them if they understood why he did what he did. He brought up the fact that
they referred to him as “Teacher and Lord” and, he affirmed, rightfully so.
Jesus explained that his act of washing their feet took nothing away from his
authority and personhood as their teacher and Lord. Instead, he served out of
the fullness of his personhood, and now admonished them to do the same. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Humble people don’t cling to their
titles as proof of their value or worth. They don’t have to include their
credentials with their signature, or mention them in order to remind others of
their importance. People who possess true meekness throw off those designations
while freely and willingly stooping to love, serve, and honor others. And, in
so doing, they lose nothing of their own self worth. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";">Humble to the Nth
Degree</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></span></b><span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";">It
was a common courtesy in Middle Eastern culture for servants to provide jugs of
water and basins for foot washing. The roads in Palestine were dusty and coated their
sandaled feet. Though people would wash their bodies early in the day, their
feet became dirty from walking wherever they needed to go. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>However, not <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">all</i> servants would have actually done the washing of feet, but
simply provided the resources for individuals to do their own washing. Only the
lowliest class of servants would have performed the act of foot washing. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Jesus astounded his disciples when he
modeled humility to the nth degree by performing this debasing act. He drew no
line in terms of how far he would go to serve. No act was too humiliating or beneath
him. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Only the truly self-effacing volunteer
to clean toilets, pick up garbage, change dirty diapers and care for the sick
and dying—all those jobs that involve sights and smells that are repulsive.
Humble people’s senses are insulted, just the same, but they don’t let that
override their impulse to act out of the meekness in their heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";">Humility is No
Respecter of Persons</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></span></b><span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";">Gathered
around the table were Jesus’ closest male companions. He had other disciples,
women and men, who traveled with him and participated in his ministry. But
these were the men that he had specifically chosen to carry on when he was
gone. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>John was seated on one side of him;
Peter close by. And somewhere in the mix was Judas. John, who told this
narrative in his gospel, mentioned that the Judas had already made plans in his
heart to betray Jesus. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>As Jesus made his way around the table,
he was cognizant of what was in Judas’ heart. In fact, after he had finished
washing all their feet, including Judas’, Jesus became deeply troubled and
emotional, asserting, “I tell you the truth, one of you will betray me!’” (John
13:21)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Can you imagine washing the feet of
someone whom you knew was about to betray you and have you killed? The truly
humble don’t sift through the crowd, choosing the ones they will serve and the
ones they won’t. Humble people serve their enemies. Harder yet, humble people
serve those who pretend to be their friends. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";"> Today is Maundy Thursday, "maundy" meaning command and referring to the new command Jesus gave to all his disciples to love one another as he loved. May we pause today and allow Jesus to wash our feet--to wash all of us; and may we humble ourselves and wash the feet of those whom God has called us to love--including our enemies. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDPFrAx6mh1pAu7cGE3c5qoGKzTXIcVLIDk7IKfCMnY4Kh4us75QurVttmZRMWf4DXRnVAi_SQZwQswm33TyFQU08kuUWuiGDjWHqZUE_kbmCYYk9y1fOC1RltBhcgyCog6cxvpqbcjG9b/s1600/Face+of+Humility+high+resolution.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDPFrAx6mh1pAu7cGE3c5qoGKzTXIcVLIDk7IKfCMnY4Kh4us75QurVttmZRMWf4DXRnVAi_SQZwQswm33TyFQU08kuUWuiGDjWHqZUE_kbmCYYk9y1fOC1RltBhcgyCog6cxvpqbcjG9b/s1600/Face+of+Humility+high+resolution.jpg" height="284" width="320" /></a></div>
Excerpt taken from <i>Picturing the Face of Jesus </i>(Abingdon Press), by Beth Booram. <br /><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10922431519065321769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4457329964617457436.post-61559578469353164902013-12-07T10:02:00.000-06:002013-12-07T10:02:09.077-06:00Advent: A Fertile Void <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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I was familiar with the experience of a “fertile void” when
Nancy, my spiritual director, mentioned it. I just didn’t know it by that name.
I’ve known seasons when all seems quiet on the surface of my life, but I’m
aware of a subtle stirring beneath the quiet; a place where things are
composting—where my inner life is being turned over, my psychological
structures broken down, in order to become more deep and real and fertile. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s not an all-together comfortable place. A part of me chaffs
in the waiting; feels uneasy and wonders what I should do to stir things up
myself. It doesn’t take long, though, to discover the vanity of trying to hurry
the decomposing and reconstituting of my inner life and soul. The invitation
during a fertile void is to rest in it and trust the process of it. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The reason I suspect for this season of fruitful emptiness
is the fact that I’ve just finished the manuscript for my next book and I’m
feeling the let-down. I’ve turned a corner into December, toward the Advent of
Jesus, and I’m numb and honestly a little bored. I felt hopeful when Nancy
suggested that I’m in a fertile void. I know that good things happen when a
field is allowed to go fallow for a season; when I cease striving and rest in
the knowledge that God is God and I am not (God). <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then I thought about Advent; how it's like a fertile void. Advent is a time of waiting during
a silent, holy night; watching with anticipation for the birth of Jesus. We wait
in hope that he will come again; today, tomorrow and the next. We linger in the
stillness and look for his yet-to be seen holy visitation. The invitation of
Advent is to cease striving and consent to the deeper, quieter work of God in
the silent, holy night. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10922431519065321769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4457329964617457436.post-14390862772559577372013-10-23T18:34:00.000-05:002013-10-23T18:34:53.795-05:00On PauseI know I'm probably stating the obvious. I'm "on pause" from blogging because I don't seem to be able to blog and write a book and do all the others things I do all at the same time. Something has to go. And for me, it's my blog.<br />
<br />
I will return. And hopefully sooner than later, as my manuscript is due to InterVarsity Press on December 1st!<br />
<br />
This book is about giving birth to a dream; how to know if the dream inside you is from God and for you. I am including interviews from folks who have given birth to a dream and, as well, telling my own story of starting <a href="http://www.sustainablefaithindy.com/">Sustainable Faith Indy</a> with my loving husband and life-long partner, David.<br />
<br />
Stay tuned. I will probably pick things up once Cindy Bunch, my wonderful editor, receives my manuscript and I heave a huge sigh of relief and hopefully make a big toast to it's completion.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10922431519065321769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4457329964617457436.post-14778026410054769342013-05-22T08:20:00.001-05:002013-05-22T10:38:37.307-05:00When I See You and You See Me<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPUkpLUWi0VqjcOzu0zhGwO6l7Hnf6lWiZ1gtb2lFqtg9ppbhj-MS8P8nNeG3HobluaPEbU0KFqB0yhO5z8QV3id_J57hOXhKnWnbXBC4UI8Tz313hmXQ0HvX1yIOdnOdv80ISJcJXoX5e/s1600/Eli.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPUkpLUWi0VqjcOzu0zhGwO6l7Hnf6lWiZ1gtb2lFqtg9ppbhj-MS8P8nNeG3HobluaPEbU0KFqB0yhO5z8QV3id_J57hOXhKnWnbXBC4UI8Tz313hmXQ0HvX1yIOdnOdv80ISJcJXoX5e/s320/Eli.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
Last week, David and I drove down to Bloomington to see our grandson's end-of-the-year preschool program. Eli was lined up with his class when we walked in and the surprise and joy on his face made the hour-plus drive a very small token to pay. He had a gray polo shirt on and right away I noticed his sparkling, blue-gray eyes. They get me every time.<br />
<br />
We went out for ice cream after the program and I sat down next to him. He shimmered with sticky delight, his face spilling over in cascades of joy and pleasure as he ate his ice cream cone. But there was one moment in particular that I continue to savor. It was the moment when I looked deep into his eyes and he looked back.<br />
<br />
I saw him and he saw me.<br />
<br />
For that delicious moment, our hearts kissed. We transmitted love and connection from one to the other. A solitary and poignant moment when I saw him in all his boyish wonder and he saw me in all my grandmotherly adoration. <br />
<br />
This isolated frame in my memory symbolizes a deep longing I have when I'm with Eli. I want to touch his soul. I want to see him and I want him to see me--to see the love I have for him that shows up so clearly and unmistakably on my face.<br />
<br />
I remember wanting the same thing with my kids when they were little. I recall being conscious each day of seeking out a moment when I made eye contact with them and received eye contact in return. Somehow I knew that it was through looking into our eyes that the bond of our connection was formed. <br />
<br />
I've reflected on this experience with Eli for a few days now. I'm still smitten by the memory of his amazing blue-gray eyes. And this memory has been a reminder to me of real prayer.<br />
<br />
Prayer for me is just like this: seeing God as God sees me. Real prayer is the moment when I purpose to gaze into the face of God and see him with spiritual eyes. It's the sensation of being seen by him in return; all of me, my goodness and un-loveliness co-mingled. <br />
<br />
In this tender, bonding moment I know that God loves me as I am. Our hearts kiss. <br />
<br />
I believe that the same desire in me that searches out Eli's face to gaze into his eyes and see him is the same desire that moves God toward me and me toward God in prayer. <br />
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. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10922431519065321769noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4457329964617457436.post-91007320253277735522013-05-12T06:17:00.001-05:002013-05-12T06:17:34.136-05:00The Most Unnatural Natural Task of Motherhood: Letting GoWhen did it happen? Was it after they laid you on my chest and you slid toward my cheek, slimy and covered in vernix, and I felt your warmth and smelled your wonder. And then they whisked you away to check you and make sure all your parts were working and I wanted to say, "No, not yet." But I didn't. I let go. <br />
<br />
Or when I passed you over the half-door of the nursery to a grandmotherly figure who assured me you would be just fine and I glanced back over my shoulder as I walked away, wishing I could stay with you, just in case you cried. But I went to church, instead.<br />
<br />
With each little accomplishment, like feeding yourself, or taking steps unassisted, or climbing out of your crib, you won small victories in your quest for independence and I took small steps toward my journey of letting go of you. <br />
<br />
There were those Kodak moments for sure of you singing your first solo, getting on the school bus for the first time, and your first sleep-over at a friends that gave me practice at something I both celebrated and made me cry.<br />
<br />
The stakes seemed even higher when I turned over the keys to the car, said good-bye to you on a date with a boy I didn't know, extended your curfew and stayed awake, praying in the night for your safety and that you would make wise choices. <br />
<br />
When we loaded up a van from floor to ceiling and then carried all its contents up three flights of stairs into your first dorm room, and drove away, leaving you behind and returning to a house with an empty room, I felt the severing more profoundly than ever--a throb so deep and right that I couldn't argue with it; I just had to accept it.<br />
<br />
I watched you as you met your bride at the head of the aisle, all grown up and handsome, marrying the girl you'd told me at the age of six you would marry some day because you were a family man--and I knew my task was, for the most part, complete.<br />
<br />
And now, though you're on your own, living a full life, and working hard, you still return to me--sometimes when life is disappointing, or someone breaks your heart or you need a back rub, or you just need a mom. In those moments, I can feel confused because I want to hang on; to be indispensable. But I know I can't and I'm not. <br />
<br />
All along the way and even now, motherhood has asked of me a very unnatural thing--to let go of you. Nothing about it has ever felt good and yet everything about it is. I look at you today, so accomplished and self-assured, and I see why. <br />
<br />
You're really quite amazing. <br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10922431519065321769noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4457329964617457436.post-8819200496826322312013-04-12T07:59:00.002-05:002013-04-12T08:08:02.504-05:00The Dilemma of Having Choices: My First (and last?) Visit to Earth Fare I shopped at a new grocery store this week called Earth Fare--one that carries mostly organic and high quality produce and products. This visit was inspired by the fact that I had an eye doctor appointment not far from the grocery and I had just gotten an amazing cookbook for my birthday from my kids called <i>Sprouted Kitchen</i> with all kinds of amazing recipes I wanted to try--many of them requiring organic, whole foods.<br />
<br />
In addition, I had also attended an event this week that featured postmodern theologian Peter Rollins, urban organic farming and health proponent Laura Henderson of Growing Places Indy, and my friend, singer and song-writer, Liz Janes. They inspired me to think about what it means to live a more honest, healthy and grounded life in my community. <br />
<br />
So this swirl of experiences came to a head this week when I visited Earth Fare. And then I felt this dilemma: the dilemma of having choices to shop at places like Earth Fare; to buy organic produce and be so particular about food.<br />
<br />
I was well aware of my privilege as I shopped in this upscale grocery store and chose more expensive organic products (at least some--others, I couldn't bring myself to pay the price). And I felt the quandary, the friction of values between my love and pleasure in wholesome, clean foods and my awareness of the poor in my neighborhood who struggle to put food on their tables--much of which has been purchased by food stamps.<br />
<br />
I also read a passage of Scripture this week that became another ingredient in this compost of experiences and reflections and it nudged me to consider how I might reconcile them--well, maybe. <span class="text John-3-19" id="en-RSV-26123"><br /></span><br />
<br />
<span class="text John-3-19" id="en-RSV-26123">"</span><span class="text John-3-19" id="en-RSV-26123"><span class="text John-3-19" id="en-NLT-26106"><span class="woj">God’s light came into the world,
but people loved the darkness more than the light, for their actions
were evil.</span></span> <span class="text John-3-20" id="en-NLT-26107"><span class="woj">All who do evil hate the light and refuse to go near it for fear their sins will be exposed.</span></span> <span class="text John-3-21" id="en-NLT-26108"><span class="woj">But those who do what is right come to the light so others can see that they are doing what God wants." (John 3:19-21)</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="text John-3-19" id="en-RSV-26123"><span class="text John-3-21" id="en-NLT-26108"><span class="woj">The phrase that stood out to me was "come to the light." Those who do what is right...come to the light. </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="text John-3-19" id="en-RSV-26123"><span class="text John-3-21" id="en-NLT-26108"><span class="woj">As I have wallowed in this predicament of privilege and caring for the poor, what does it mean for me to come to the light? </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="text John-3-19" id="en-RSV-26123"><span class="text John-3-21" id="en-NLT-26108"><span class="woj">Long term, I sense that moving toward the light means working for the day when rich and poor alike will eat clean foods and live healthier lives. I also think that planning simple meals, not wasting food and not eating more than I need will help with with the dilemma of my daily choices. </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="text John-3-19" id="en-RSV-26123"><span class="text John-3-21" id="en-NLT-26108"><span class="woj">So, for me, this issue is far from resolved and I suspect that that is a good thing. Dilemmas serve a purpose; they get us to think and ask important questions; they keep our conscience active and sensitive to the things hidden in our hearts--the things that light exposes. </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span class="text John-3-21" id="en-RSV-26125"><br /></span>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10922431519065321769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4457329964617457436.post-74102847027880256922013-03-31T17:46:00.000-05:002013-03-31T17:46:08.508-05:00Resurrection Sunday: Looking for the Living Among the Dead<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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As Luke's account of Jesus' resurrection was read this morning, the words that caught me up were those spoken to the women at his tomb. They came with spices in hand, ready to prepare Jesus' dead body for burial. Then suddenly, two angels appeared to them and asked a peculiar question. "Why are you looking for the living among the dead?" (Luke 24:5)<br />
<br />
Our pastor noted what an odd question this was for the angels to ask them. The answer was clear. These women weren't looking for the living among the dead. They were looking for the dead among the dead! <br />
<br />
Those words stuck with me. They reminded me that the declaration of Easter is the fact that, because Jesus rose from the dead, we can look for the living among the dead; for life in the midst of death! <br />
<br />
All I need to do is review my life and see the truth of this. Times when I experienced real death, like the death of my father from cancer, I see how I also found life. Or times when a relationship appeared to be dying, I found the gift of
life in the tearing down and rebuilding of it. Or once when I took a personal blow that felt like it would end in death, I discovered instead the gift of life, buried deeply in the tomb of my soul. <br />
<br />
Resurrection Sunday is a day to celebrate that we can, indeed, look for the living among the dead because Jesus rose from the dead, whole and full of life!<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10922431519065321769noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4457329964617457436.post-52729973578096257422013-03-30T07:49:00.001-05:002013-03-30T07:52:28.206-05:00Holy Saturday: Keeping Vigil at the Tomb<br />
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<br />
<br />
I've witnessed the death of both of my parents. While much of the experience is a blur to me now, I have a very distinct memory of standing at the graveside next to each of their caskets, in those final moments before they were lowered into the ground. I still remember what it felt like; the final letting go of them. It was a singular low point, a death in and of itself, in my journey of grief.<br />
<br />
Today is Holy Saturday, the middle day between the death and resurrection of Jesus. As I read Matthew's account of his burial, I noticed his reference to Mary Magdalene and the other Mary sitting across from the tomb and watching, while Joseph of Arimathea buried Jesus' body in the tomb.<br />
<br />
<br />
I imagine them feeling some of what I felt at the graveside of each of my parents--the last dregs of energy drained from them as they watched Jesus' body laid to rest. Perhaps, deep within, they did believe and hope in his resurrection. Yet, they were human and more than likely felt that vacuous grief that one feels in death as they kept vigil at his tomb.<br />
<br />
It requires courage to embrace the darkness of the tomb and let go. To enter the darkness of not knowing and accept the finality of the moment. To keep vigil with the two Marys. Holy Saturday. <br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10922431519065321769noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4457329964617457436.post-46532701483394764712013-03-29T09:28:00.002-05:002013-03-29T14:54:29.725-05:00Reflections on Good Friday: Is this the Face of Humiliation? I used to think so. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This morning, I read through John's account of Jesus' betrayal and crucifixion (John 18, 19). It was painful to read. John slowed the story down; he included many details that helped me visualize what Jesus endured. One particular part of the story was especially hard.<br />
<br />
After Pilot had Jesus flogged with a metal-tipped whip and the soldiers placed a purple robe and crown of thorns on him, Pilot brought him out to the people. Instead of reacting with compassion when they saw him bloody and beaten, they screamed, "Crucify him!" What a bizarre reaction! <br />
<br />
It makes me shudder to witness their lack of pity; their gloating thirst for innocent blood. What is this in our human heart that sees a pathetic, wounded man and wants to kill him? The same instinct that's in a pack of wild dogs who attack one of their own because he's maimed?<br />
<br />
As I read the description of Jesus' mistreatment, I found myself identifying in a way I never used to. I've had my own experience of being attacked, bullied and betrayed by religious leaders. And so what stung most to me in Jesus' experience of suffering was the humiliation that he must have felt....or did he? <br />
<br />
I've started to ponder the way that I felt solidarity with Jesus as I identified with what I assumed to be his emotional response of humiliation to all that he endured. But when I began to explore it, it occurred to me that humiliation is a feeling one experiences as a result of pride--wounded pride. It's not really a cousin to humility--the <i>willingness</i> to lower oneself. Humiliation is forced subjection.<br />
<br />
This revelation has provided a new lens for me as I stand before the cross today on this Good Friday. I now see Jesus, my Savior, who <i>willingly</i> "humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal's death on a cross" (Philippians 2:8). No-I don't think this is the "face of humiliation." It's definitely a humble face. <br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10922431519065321769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4457329964617457436.post-1839888624713191982013-03-28T07:38:00.001-05:002013-03-28T07:39:50.889-05:00Maundy Thursday Reflection on Jesus' Face of Humility<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";">Imagining Prayer: Letting
Jesus Wash Your Feet</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></span></div>
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<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";">Return
to the story of Jesus washing the disciple’s feet. In your imagination, envision
yourself seated in a place at the low table, on a cushion, with your feet
behind you. (You may even want to take this position physically.)</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";">Feel Jesus
approach you from behind and begin to bath your feet with cool water.
Imagine his hands tenderly touching your feet, rinsing them, and gently
patting them dry. Soak in the sensation of Jesus serving you through this
affectionate act.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";">Turn
to him, look into his face, and experience his demeanor. Feel his humble
countenance as he serves you by washing your feet. Ask him to wash all of
you. </span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";">Listen
to him and see what he has to say. Let his humble face heal you of your
own striving.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rest, contented by Jesus’ love for you. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></li>
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(This post is an excerpt from <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Picturing-Face-Jesus-Encountering-through/dp/0687657431/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1364474197&sr=8-1&keywords=Picturing+the+Face+of+Jesus+%2B+Booram">Picturing the Face of Jesus: Encountering Christ through Art</a>, </i>by Beth Booram) <br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10922431519065321769noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4457329964617457436.post-707182755730948072013-03-22T08:25:00.002-05:002013-03-22T08:25:34.574-05:00The Garden of Even: Tracing the Origin of Our Common Bond Since September, I've been meeting every Monday with a group of twelve women as part of a spiritual formation course called <a href="http://vantagepoint3.org/">The Journey</a>. These friends, ranging in age from their mid-twenties to sixties, have become very dear to me. Each of them sparkle with unique radiance and genuine beauty. It's been such a pleasure and joy to get to know them.<br />
<br />
As part of The Journey, we did a post-it note exercise where each person captured her life story on a timeline and then wrote it out in narrative form. We then spent a Saturday and several subsequent Mondays sharing our narratives with one another. As you might imagine, it's been powerful! No words adequately describe the holy ground we have entered with each one.<br />
<br />
Since our story-telling concluded, I've found myself meditating on the whole experience--on the themes I've heard, trying to distill them. There's one in particular that has come to the forefront; a theme that's honestly surprised me. Let me try to describe it. <br />
<br />
In story after story, I heard women describe the common experience of feeling shame. It didn't matter whether she was born and raised in a two-parent, loving family or a home with intense chaos and horrifying abuse. At some point in her young life, she expressed a belief that there was something about her, something in her that made her peculiarly shameful and unworthy of love.<br />
<br />
I've read about the concept of original sin; the idea that we are born with a disposition toward doing bad things. What struck me from hearing our stories was not merely our compulsion to do wrong but our deep-seated belief that there was <i>something</i> wrong with us; that we were marred and shameful misfits. <br />
<br />
I guess what I found so surprising was that it didn't seem to matter much the kind of home in which we were raised. Obviously, no home or parent is perfect. But several of us were raised in somewhat stable, loving homes, and it honestly didn't seem to make a lot of difference. We still recalled feeling, at a young age, an intense and unrelenting shame toward ourselves.<br />
<br />
So, I've mused, "Is this really our common bond and original sin? Our rejection of God's love because of shame?" <br />
<br />
What's more, as I think of each story, it appears that we spend our adult lives trying to overcome the belief that we are beyond being loved. Each woman in our group described her own quest to overcome the self-deprecating belief of her unworthiness to be loved by God. <br />
<br />
I think it takes a miracle to heal from the deep shame that each of us confessed. And in the last several weeks, I have witnessed miracles--many of them, still very much in process. In fact, mine is very much in process, too. Each day, I notice that one of my most formidable challenges is to let the miracle of God's love in. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10922431519065321769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4457329964617457436.post-83158193225004478872013-02-18T07:13:00.000-06:002013-02-18T07:24:26.719-06:00Chasing Squirrels We have the happiest squirrels on the block. With four large walnut trees gracing our yard, dropping thousands of walnuts each fall, the squirrels couldn't be happier or fatter. Except when Bongo, our dog, decides it's time to play chase.<br />
<br />
He rushes out the back door like a horse out of the block at the Kentucky Derby. He corners the squirrel, who by this time has bounded from the deck rail to the walnut tree branch, and they have a staring match. The squirrel always wins.<br />
<br />
Bongo sometimes reminds me of me in the way I chase my own squirrels--those pesky and glittering distractions that catch the corner of my eye and before I know it--I'm off to the races. It's the habit that trips me up most from doing the "one thing" I need to be doing in my effort to become a single-tasker. <br />
<br />
My squirrels are the things that distract me not only from the "one thing" but the "first thing" on my list. Squirrels are the things of lesser importance than what I need to be doing right now. They are often time wasters or, at best, not the priority I give them when I find myself running after them.<br />
<br />
So--what kinds of things am I talking about? Oh, things like obsessing over returning every email in my inbox; day dreaming about conversations I had or might have, especially those with the potential for conflict; fretting over something bad that might happen; being perfectionistic about stuff that really isn't that important--writing the perfect email response, how I look, or how my home looks.<br />
<br />
Sometimes I even deliberately chase squirrels to avoid what I need to be doing because of I feel some inner resistance to do it. Chasing squirrels can be a convenient distraction.<br />
<br />
So, yesterday, as I did a review of my upcoming week by creating my mind map (a tool I use to visually organize all the parts of my life), I starred the things that need my attention today. I've already chased a few squirrels. Oh, well. At least I know it's time to return to my first things and take them on, one thing at a time.<br />
<br />
What are the squirrels that you find yourself most often chasing? Do you know what's on your first things list for today? <br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10922431519065321769noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4457329964617457436.post-9077648141235178922013-01-31T07:29:00.002-06:002013-01-31T10:28:12.538-06:00One Thing at a Time I read an article a while back that suggested when we multitask, we diminish our brain power to the same extent as if we'd had one too many beers. (For me, that would be one more than one.) If that's true, it's a little sobering (no pun intended) to think about the implications; most of us are stumbling around in a drunken stupor and don't know it. When are we <i>not</i> multitasking? <br />
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My New Year's Declaration to become a single-tasker (see previous post) has grown out of a need for balance and increased brain power. Perhaps like you, I have a diverse portfolio of work, even in a given day. I'm a congregational consultant, a wife, a writer, a spiritual director, an agent for a non-profit, a mother and grandmother, a cook, a friend, a facilitator and teacher and director of an urban retreat center. And sometimes, in a given day, I am all of them!<br />
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The only way I can keep my sanity and give my best and my all to each is to focus on "one thing at a time." In my previous post, I referred to Jesus' words to Martha: "My dear Martha, you are worried and
upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned
about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her” (Luke
10:41, 42).<br />
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"There is only <i>one </i>thing worth being concerned about" at a time. <br />
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To do that, here's where the battle is won or lost: It's hard work to put on blinders when I'm writing a presentation on my computer and see an email float into my inbox about something else that needs my attention. Or to ignore a phone call or text while I finish what I'm doing. Or to mentally brush aside a worrisome thought while I spend time praying and being with God. It's hard work--<i>really</i> hard work to single-task.And it's in those brief, innocuous moments where I choose to stay on task or multitask that I either find or lose my way. <br />
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This is my growing edge these days--to prioritize my "first thing" and choose to keep it as my "one thing" to focus on until it's finished or where it needs to be until I pick it up again. Most days I try and fail; but when I'm tenacious about single-tasking, I'm much more productive and fruitful than when I go back and forth from one thing to another. I also don't feel as overwhelmed and out of balance or waste as much time.<br />
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So, it's a new day and I'm ready to practice the wisdom of Jesus and be concerned about one thing at a time! And I'm hungrier than ever for the peace that comes from it. How about you? <br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10922431519065321769noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4457329964617457436.post-80424427243910150202013-01-16T07:47:00.002-06:002013-01-16T08:05:45.774-06:00My Intentions for 2013: Declarations for Becoming a Single-tasker<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 0.5in;">
I like to organize my thoughts through a mind map. So, a few days before the new year began, I placed a bubble in the middle of my journal page and wrote, "My New Year's Intentions for 2013." And then I began to add bubbles around it and clusters of thoughts related to those bubbles. </div>
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As I scanned my memory and wrote down ideas of what might become an intention to live into this coming year, I also saw a theme arise. Many of my bubbles had to do with balance--that elusive ideal I've often striven for in the past. Some bubbles included things like more consistent Sabbath keeping, improved self-care and planning margin--all things that have to do with balancing work with rest and play. </div>
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But the obvious next question was "How?" How do I create balance or manage all the disparate parts of my life in a way that I helps me have some margin. As I considered the question, something came to mind that might be counter-intuitive to what you might expect to be an answer. It was the thought that I need to become a single-tasker. I need to learn how to focus on one thing at a time. It's trying to do too many things at once that creates the feeling of being overwhelmed and lacking balance. </div>
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Jesus had some things to say about single-tasking in the story about Martha and Mary in Luke 10:38-42. Do you know the story? Jesus
was in their home one day along with a number of his disciples. He was teaching
them when Martha, busy in the kitchen, interrupted him with a
clearly annoyed tone in her voice. She asked him to tell her sister, Mary, to
get up from her place sitting at his feet and come help get lunch on the table.
Jesus responded with some pointed words. “My dear Martha, you are worried and
upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned
about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her” (Luke
10:41, 42).</div>
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I’ve heard a lot
of interpretations of this story, as you might have, but one application worth considering is Jesus’ suggestion that “there is only one thing
worth being concerned about” <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">at a time</i>
and if you discover that, it won’t be taken away from you. Mary was embodying
the posture of a person who was aware of what was most important in that moment
and she stay focused on it. She was a single-tasker. Martha, on the other hand,
was a multi-tasker; she was worried about many things--a habit that creates the feeling that life is out-of-balance and overwhelming. </div>
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So, over the next few weeks, I want to think more deeply about what it means to be a single-tasker--to take Jesus' advice and be concerned about one thing at a time. I hope it will lead to a little more balance and peace of mind. Join me in this New Year 2013 as I write about "Declarations of a Single-tasker." </div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10922431519065321769noreply@blogger.com2