Giving Birth to Our Dreams: Not sure what we're pressing up against

It's been some time since I wrote about our endeavors to establish an urban retreat center in Indianapolis called Sustainable Faith Indy. It's not that we've put this on the back burner. I wanted to devote time to focus on Lent and didn't think this needed to share the stage with Christ's passion. 

As I wrote some friends today, "Nothing about this venture has been easy." Our house has been on the market since September. We've had two offers that have fallen apart. We've had two properties we loved sell. The second is back on the market because the investor couldn't get the financing together--but is still trying. We had our 60th showing tonight--ugh! We are beyond exhausted.

We find ourselves wondering what we are pressing up against. What is this wall of resistance? Is it the kindness of the Lord redirecting us? Or is it the refining fire we often encounter when we are moving forward into something significant? 

Each time we suffer a blow, we feel pretty letdown. But then....this deep resolve and perseverance wells up inside us and we re-up our commitment. I've never prayed for anything as fervently and passionately as I have this vision. (Well, at least it feels that way right now.) I've also never experienced anything that felt so confusing. (Well, at least it feels that way right now:) 

I've asked a few people this question, so I'd like to ask you. Please respond with your own reflections. Have you ever attempted to do something you felt was aligned with God's purposes, only to meet significant resistance? What did you discover? I'm all ears.  

Lent: In the Oil Press

  

Situated at the foot of the Mount of Olives, the Garden of Gethsemane was the place Jesus chose to pray the night before he was crucified. Its name means “oil press.” The image is unmistakable; olives pressed between two heavy stones, all the life squeezed from them, oozing with a smooth, fragrant emollient used for healing and for food. It was just the place to pray the kind of prayers Jesus prayed that night.  

                                                                                                                   

The writer of Hebrews described what happened in the garden:

Jesus “offered prayers and pleadings, with a loud cry and tears, to the one who could rescue him from death. And God heard his prayers because of his deep reverence for God.” (Hebrews 5:7).

Prayers and pleadings, with loud cries and tears. Jesus was in agony. He wanted to be spared this suffering and so he turned to the One who could save him. He brought the fullness of his humanity, the honesty of his desires, into his prayerful petition. Perhaps as the image above suggests, Jesus placed his own head between his arms as though between a vice of mill stones, embodying his anguish. “My Father! ‘If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine’” (Matthew 26:39)—you can hear him saying.

“And God heard his prayers because of his deep reverence for God.”

God heard the heart of Jesus’ prayers, his willingness to yield his will to his father’s. And God responded—not with a benevolent gesture of swiping the cup from his hands. God’s heart opened to Jesus’ deeper prayers, his surrendered prayers that found their way out through the oil press. “Your-will-be-done-prayers.” Deep reverence.  

I know a little about this kind of praying. Lately, it’s where I’ve gone to process a dream I have—a dream I’ve been pursuing. When I pray, pleas are squeezed out of me and anguish spills over as I embrace my desire while simultaneously surrendering it to God. It’s been metamorphic. The pressure has forced me to face my own willfulness and need to entrust God with my desires.   

There are times in our lives when we must choose, like Jesus, to go to the Garden of Gethsemane and engage in prayer that feels as though we are in an oil press. The passion inside us is squeezed out into churning petitions as we work through our willingness to choose God’s will over our own.   

Is there anything you need to process in the oil press of Gethsemane prayer?  

This post is part of the InterVarsity Press Lenten Blog tour. To read the other IVP authors contributions, here are their blogs: 

February 20^th Rachel Stone: http://eatwithjoy.org/2012/02/20/lenten-fasting-easter-feasting/

February 27^th Margot Starbuck: http://margotstarbuck.blogspot.com/2012/02/being-formed-in-grocery-checkout-line.html

March 5^th Brent Bill: http://holyordinary.blogspot.com/2012/03/time-is-fulfilled-lenten-meditation.html

March 12^th Logan Mehl-Laituri: http://feraltheology.wordpress.com/2012/03/10/maximilian-tebessa-lenten-abstinence/

March 19^th Andrew Byers: http://abyers.wordpress.com/2012/03/19/when-salvation-hurts/

March 26^th Valerie Hess: http://www.valeriehess.com/generalnews/spiritual-warfare-or-spiritual-laziness 

April 2^nd Beth Booram: http://peregrinejourney.blogspot.com

April 6^th; Good Friday Chad Young: www.findingauthenticchristianity.com

Lent: Holy Indifference

Indifference is a word that has negative connotations to me. It suggests apathy; an unfeeling disconnect toward someone or something. For a big time feeler, that is the antithesis of how I live and relate to the world. I feel deeply. I’m rarely indifferent. 

During Lent and this particular time in my life, I’m learning something about the virtue of indifference—holy indifference as taught by the 15^th century Spanish priest, St. Ignatius of Loyola. Ignatius instructed Christ followers to be “active” in their pursuit of God and his will and “indifferent” to the outcome of his will. Yea, right….   

Sounds like a stretch to me, especially as it relates to our dream of starting an urban retreat center in Indianapolis (SFI). We put a “For Sale” sign in the front yard in September and started looking for a suitable property. Neither goal has been achieved and I don’t feel indifferent about it. 

Frankly, we are exhausted. With multiple showings on any given day or week, we are constantly cleaning, vacating our home (with dog in tow) and crashing at a local coffee shop to work. We question how long we can keep this up. 

But sometimes it’s the small adjustments of heart that make a difference.   

                    

Through a friend, I was reminded of St. Ignatius’ teaching about holy indifference and began to read and contemplate its meaning for me during this trying time. Holy or active indifference suggests that we energetically do what we can to pursue God’s path, but entrust God with the outcome. We embrace the deep and true desires of our heart, but remain “detached” from their ultimate fulfillment. 

Here’s an illustration that comes to mind. During my last two pregnancies, I had a condition called placenta accreta where the placenta attached too deeply to the uterine wall. After I delivered the baby, the placenta wouldn’t detach and had to be removed surgically, causing excessive bleeding—scary stuff. 

Similarly, I create an unhealthy condition of soul when I attach too deeply to my dreams or visions of life; to certain relationships or things. That attachment can crowd out my affection for God and impair the freedom he longs for me to experience. 

This way of holy indifference doesn’t come naturally to me. I have an addictive nature. I want to cling to things that promise fulfillment. I feel wobbly as I find my way in the tension of active indifference; doing what I can while holding my desires loosely. Yet, this small adjustment of heart seems very healthy and right. It also seems well-suited for Lent--a time when I walk with Jesus in his humanity, suffering and surrender to the cross.

Here's your last chance! This is the final week of our Awaken Your Senses Contest and the sense of the week is SMELL!

Today begins the final week in our Awaken Your Senses Contest. The sense of the week is SMELL!

Please add a comment to this post about experiences you have this week or have had in the past related to your sense of smell.

BTW--did you know that your most vivid memories are likely linked to strong smells? Here's why:

Smelling Memories
"Often, the strongest memories of our past are indelibly imprinted into our memory bank through our senses, especially the sense of smell. Here’s why: we use our olfactory sense all the time as we take in currents of air that pass through the nostrils, over the bony turbinates in our nasal passages to a “sheet” about the size of a small postage stamp, which contains five to six million olfactory receptors! There, smells are recognized because each odorant fits into a nerve cell kind of like a lock and key. The nerve cells then send signals along our olfactory nerve to the brain, where the odors are interpreted as “sweet smelling gardenias” or “foul smelling sneakers.” The reason we know the difference is the strong connection between our sense of smell and our memory. According to Dr. Rachel Herz, a psychologist, cognitive neuroscientist, and recognized expert on the psychology of smell, our odor preferences are learned. Herz suggests, “We learn to like and dislike various odors based on the emotional associations we make upon initial encounter with them.” (Awaken Your Senses, Pg. 157, 158)

Huh? What'd you say?? Hearing is the Sense of the Week!

This week's sense is HEARING!

“As you think about the sounds that compose the background soundtrack of your daily life, what words would you use to describe them? Are they sounds you should be paying attention to? Are they bringing news of others? Are they proclaiming God’s story in a way different from how you normally hear it? When listened to with attention and love, the everyday sounds of life may contain all the news of God that you can either use or bear.”

“Take a moment and listen to the sounds around you. Pay attention to them in love. What sounds do you notice? What news are they bringing? Are they blessings or calls to prayer? Or both?” (from Awaken Your Senses)

Today (Feb. 27) is the start of week four of the “Awaken Your Senses Contest.” The contest is featured on:

• Awaken Your Senses Facebook Page
• Brent’s Blog
• Beth's Blog

Here’s how it works:

This week, you are invited to pay attention to your sense of HEARING and notice how it introduces you to the wonder of God.
If something cool happens, post a description about that experience on the Awaken Your Senses FB Page or Beth or Brent’s blogs. (All entries must be submitted by Sunday at noon.)
Brent and Beth will choose a winner on Sunday evening and that person will receive a $25 gift card for a gift related to TOUCH.
Brent and Beth will also do a drawing from the names of everyone who participated each week and the weekly winner of the random drawing will receive an autographed copy of Awaken Your Senses.
The winners will be announced on Awaken Your Senses Facebook Page and Brent and Beth’s blogs on each Monday when a new sense begins!

The Contest Schedule!
February 6 – Taste
Winners: Leah Sophia -- $25 Harry and Davids Gift Certificate
Sherry Redinger – autographed copy of Awaken Your Senses

February 13 – See
Winners: Martin Stand--$25 gift card (Amazon.uk)
Rantwoman -- an autographed copy of Awaken Your Senses

February 20 – Touch
Winners: Jen Friesen -- $25 gift card
Liz Dyer -- an autographed copy of Awaken Your Senses

February 27 – Hear

March 5 -- Smell

Tell your friends about the contest. Tweet, tumblr and blog about it. Spread the word. We can’t wait to hear about your experiences as you awaken your senses to the wonder of God.

-- Beth & Brent